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Updated every weekday. Please vote! 
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2009-10-19
Seriously, why does the bible have to use such soft euphemisms for sex? The actual Biblical Hebrew used in Genesis 4:1 is yada` which has about fifty different definitions, but "know" is a pretty accurate translation. So, Adam knew Eve. Knew her? Is that anything like boinking her? Having her riding his bucking salami? Filling up her cream donut? Tickling her stomach from the inside? The writers could have just said, "Adam impregnated Eve," it's simple and inoffensive, and it doesn't even talk about any of the good bits that Christians like to pretend don't exist. The moral of the bible is that it's okay to write about murdering children in graphic detail, but talking about a necessary and natural biological act is EVIL.
Other equally inane translations of this verse include:
| Translation | Euphemism |
| New International Version | "lay with" |
| New American Standard | "had relations with" |
| God's Word Translation | "made love to" |
| Basic English Bible | "had connection with" |
I think I like the Basic English Bible the most... had connection with... I bet Adam inserted his plug into Eve's socket, eh? Hilarious!
I purposely dropped the F-bomb in the comic in order to contrast the lame soft language of the bible. You easily offended types need not worry, I won't make a habit out of it.
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Comments
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Uncle Jellyfish writes:
| I laughed and almost woke my brother up. XD Very well done. I absolutely love this! |
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Hallway writes:
| or as Family Guy said:
"Now, is there a shorter word for 'relations?'" |
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Ray writes:
| "The actual Biblical Hebrew used in Genesis 4:1 is yada` which has about fifty different definitions, but "know" is a pretty accurate translation."
So pardon the horrible pun, but would that mean that The Bible has alot of yada yada yada?? |
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Baughbe writes:
| Oh Geez Ray, I know a few people who say 'yada, yada, yada'. Now I won't be able to hear it without breaking out laughing! And by the way, didn't Adam already 'know' Eve back in the garden? |
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TheAlmightyGuru writes:
| Ray: Awesome! Just awesome!
Baughbe: The bible isn't very clear on this. God does tell Adam and Eve to go forth and multiply while they're in the garden, but nothing is mentioned about childbirth until after he curses her. This is the first -explicit- (to use a play on words) of them having sex. However, Genesis is seriously lacking any semblance of continuity. Really, I just wanted to draw stick figures having sex. |
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hmmm... writes:
| as far as i can see, the bible doesn,t say anything about physical relations happening between the two of them before this incident. it just mentions that both of them were naked and are not ashamed. so this is the first time "knowing" comes in the picture. |
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Spectre100 writes:
| ah, but did he not 'cleave unto' eve?
also, welcome back quazar! |
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kris writes:
| maybe "cleaving unto" is taking "possession" of eve (or adam having fun, or making a point of his dominant position, or somesuch), and "knowing" is for the sake of fruitfulness and multiplication? |
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Oh the irony!
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