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Okay, things are starting to get a little out of hand here in Numbers 31:7-12. There is just so much wrong with all of this, I don’t even know where to begin! Religious people tend to use the word “evil” when referencing something that goes against their moral code, so I’m going to employ its use here because this sort of thing goes against pretty much everyone’s moral code. God is evil for ordering the destruction of an entire race. Moses is evil for carrying out the invasion. The Israelites are evil for butchering a bunch of people and kidnapping women and children. The only people who aren’t evil in this story are the Midianites. Other than a single women possibly having sex with an Israelite for an unexplained reason, the bible says nothing wrong about them at all!

If you can get past the fact that the Israelites are roving barbarians who find it acceptable to sack, pillage, rape, and plunder, we can move on to critiquing the literature. The bible says that all of the Midianite males were killed including their five kings, Evi, Rekem, Zur, Hur, and Reba, and, here’s the real kicker, Balaam! But how can that be? When we last left Balaam, he was talking to Balak the Moabite, and wasn’t it was the Moabite women who were prostituting themselves to the Israelites! So why the hell is God ordering the death of the Midianites?

On a completely unrelated note, after Osama Bin Laden (not from Iraq) had his 19 fanatics (none of whom were from Iraq) crash passenger planes into the World Trade Centers, George W. Bush ordered the invasion of… Iraq in order to capture… Saddam Hussein.

Anyway, after the Israelites burn all of Midia to the ground, they steal their treasure, round up all their cattle, children, and women, and take everything back to Moses who is now residing in the plains of… Moab. What? Really! This is why you don’t trust Google Maps!



Maju writes:


*begin sarcasm*
Such an instructive book. I bet that's what inspired Hitler in his exalted deeds.
*end sarcasm*

No much more to say: is this the "high religion" that has inspired whole civilizations and blah, blah...

Pitiful world.

Baughbe writes:


No Sarcasm needed Maju. Most of the highly religious and "righteous" people I have met have been evil to the core. The few exceptions that were decent people ignore most of the Bible.

Maju writes:


But if I do not annotate the "sarcasm mode", some naive readers might take the sentence as a Judeo-Christian apology of Nazism, exactly the opposite of what I meant.

It was sarcasm ("instructive", "exalted deeds"), I just decided to underline it, just in case someone missed.

Baughbe writes:


True enough.

Arashikou writes:


Wait, Balaam?!? The oracle guy with the talking donkey? The one on a first-name basis with God a few passages ago? The one that kept doing exactly what God told him to despite God also punishing him for it? The one that, as far as I can tell, was painted as a loyal servant who refused to take the Moabites' money in exchange for cursing God's people?

Why is he suddenly an evil king?!?


Oh the irony!