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Updated every weekday.         Please vote!    

 

2009-10-29

God is in serious need of a better human resources department. Abel is the poster-child for Christians; pious, subservient, willing to do anything to please Godóbut how does God repay him? By letting his older brother brutally murder him. Scientology may be a total bullshit religion, but at least they're willing to sue anyone who insults their subservient yes-man, Tom Cruise. Plus, they'll give you a keychain.

Unfortunately, the bible doesn't explain how Cain killed Abel, just that he did. Genesis 4:8 really skimps on the gory details. But don't worry, there's plenty of blood and guts coming up!

Most stories in ancient mythology exist throughout several cultures. The tale of Cain and Abel, for example, is similar to a story the Sumerians told colloquially called "Inanna Prefers the Farmer". The story revolves around a maiden choosing a spouse between a farmer and a shepherd. Though she prefers the farmer, she ends up marrying the shepherd.

 

Comments

Winterset writes:

 

Those Sumerian maidens sure love the meat.

Uncle Jellyfish writes:

 

I forgot to check this last night and wasn't first poster...D:

I think the only thing that would've made this funnier is if you added an ACME box to the scene. o_O

Ray writes:

 

It's kind of a shame we don't get to see Cain kill Abel. 4 ways I can think of him for him to do it would be:

A. Rip apart Abel's flesh with his devil-horns.
B. Take Abel's staff and beat him to death with it.
C. Take Abel's staff & impale him on it.
D. Take Abel's staff, hold him in place and then use it to decapitate him. It would be pretty hard to do though.


Shame we probably won't get to see any of that, though.

TheAlmightyGuru writes:

 

Don't forgot that Cain owns a hoe that could probably hack off a limb or two in only a few swings. Not that Cain would do something like that though... He's not evil, he's just misunderstood.

And don't worry Ray, I won't disappoint.

rimecuka writes:

 

No Abel! IT'S A TRAP!

Laura writes:

 

I think this is the first sibling rivalry that sparked the whole older sibling is against the second born

Mr-know-it-all writes:

 

@Laura: No, that would be bullshit, sibling rivalries are much older. Also most sibling rivalries are against the first born, because of inheritance laws.

Kim writes:

 

As a second kid, I'd say it's because the older kid treats the second kid like shit and doesn't get caught at it.

Katy writes:

 

Actually, that isn't always the case - my brother and I got on quite well. Of course, he is 11 years older than I am, so that age difference might have made the difference.

 

Oh the irony!