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Updated every weekday.         Please vote!    

 

2011-08-16

Okay class, say it with me now, “WHAT THE FUCK?” Seriously, WTF? This grisly scene doesn’t fit with the story, it doesn’t fit with the burning bush appearance of God, and it doesn’t fit with reality. Even the people who make it their job to understand the bible fail to agree on what we just read. Adam Clarke interprets this to mean that God showed up in human form, while John Wesley takes it a step further and says that it was probably a sword-wielding angel. Albert Barnes, however, interprets this to a symbolic appearance of the specter of God looming over a deathly ill Moses. Wesley and Barnes probably concocted their versions because Exodus 33:20, and several other verses, say nobody has or ever will be able to see God.

The one thing they agree on is that Moses was negligent in his fatherly duties because he didn’t needlessly remove his 8-day-old son’s foreskin with a sharp stone according to the Israelite covenant with God. By the way, the following medical organizations disapprove of routine circumcision: The American Academy of Pediatrics, The American Medical Association, The British Medical Association, The Royal Australasian College of Physicians, The Canadian Paediatric Society, and The Royal Dutch Medical Association.

Actually, if anyone should be libeled for not keeping up their end of the bargain, it’s God. Remember, the agreement? If God gives them Canaan, they have to mutilate their genitals. Well, they’ve been mutilating their genitals for over 400 years, yet Canaan remains in the control of their enemies as they remain slaves in Egypt. Who’s really in default here?

Obviously, the movie completely ignored this scene because it’s so freaking bizarre! Although, I kind of wished they did film it, it would certainly have a lot of Christians scratching their heads.

Here’s a fun game we can all play: Give the bible a subtitle. Here’s mine: The Bible - It’s Always About Dicks. What’s yours?

 

Comments

Mr-know-it-all writes:

 

Ok, ok, what the hell? Leaving aside the completely random death threat, why would he be mortally ill? Is it over? Did the plagues happen while I wasn't watching? 'Cause I was really looking forward to leave a "just eat the frogs" comment.


And, can I give it a supertitle instead?
"The Root of all Fears: Origins: The bible" sounds pretty apropiate (considering I never watched the root of all fears).

Yeshivakid writes:

 

The Bible: God's A Dick

The Bible: Everybody Dies

The Bible: Don't Bother, God's Already Angry At You

The Bible: A Collection of Fantastical Tales From Amateur Local Authors

The Bible: Editor Wanted

The Bible: Holier Than Swiss Cheese

Ray writes:

 

The Bible: Brought to You by Stupid People.

Allanon6666 writes:

 

The Bible: God Loves You, I Promise

Baughbe writes:

 

The Bible: Leave your perceptions at the door.

Nightfairy writes:

 

Wow, just wow. It's amazing what they dont teach you in bible school.

Nightfairy writes:

 

The Bible- Guide for Hypocrites

JL writes:

 

The Bible - plot, logic, reason and morals are overrated anyway

JL

JL writes:

 

Oh, hey, this one's better, I think:

The Bible - 2000(?) years' worth of bullshit ^^

JL

JL writes:

 

Uh, uh, another one (kinda ironic, considering its content ^^):

The Bible - repetition, repetition repetition

or

The Bible - repetition is everything/storytelling

JL

Samael writes:

 

Holy crap, you want to see mental gymnastics?

http://lavistachurchofchrist.org/LVarticles/Exodus42426.html

Arabian prince. writes:

 

The Bible- the sopranos, but in the Middle East

 

Oh the irony!