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2011-12-06

R-I-P-O-F-F! God was going to make his existence known to all of his chosen people. They were going to listen in as he explained his everlasting laws of morality to Moses. They’ve been washing and abstaining from sex for the past three days waiting to hear this special message. So what does God say? What is this new revelation to his children? He tells Moses to climb the mountain, and then goes silent. What sort of pathetic ripoff is this? Those Israelites must have been pissed!

Now, a believer might use Exodus 19:19-20 as proof that God couldn’t possibly be a volcano, after all, what volcano is capable of speech? However, it’s not like God gave them volumes of unprecedented wisdom, he merely said a single sentence that anyone could say. All the remaining dialogue takes place up on Mt. Sinai where Moses is guaranteed to be alone. Sure, sure, God’s words are miniscule, but how does a cynic like me account for the disembodied voice? Well, surely it’s not possible that Moses had someone stand behind a rock and shout, “Moses! Climb the mountain!” That would be impossible. So too would it be impossible that the bible is simply taking poetic liberty with the story. I mean, just look at all those accounts written by the Israelites who confirming hearing God; there’s thousands of them! No, the only possible explanation for the voice is that the almighty creator of the universe uttered a totally benign sentence.</sarcasm>

The movie doesn’t bother with explaining how God commanded Moses to climb Mt. Sinai, which is a shame, because it would have been pretty hilarious to watch all 12,000 extras go from ecstatic to devastated from a single sentence.

 

Comments

Maju writes:

 

Are there volcanoes in Sinai peninsula? You got me a bit puzzled with the volcano idea, Almighty: while I know that there's over there the Great Rift tectonic whatever that here and there leaves some volcanic stuff loose... that happens in very specific places, right? And there are no volcanoes either, are they?

Baughbe writes:

 

@ Maju, I was looking up that yesterday. While nobody knows which mountian is the Biblical Mt. Sinai (there are a lot of claims for different peaks being it and plenty of tourist traps around places that will swear to God that THIS mountian is Mt Sinai) there are a few volcanicly active mountians in the region. Plus since we are talking about events the supposedly happened thousands of years ago, that particualr mountian need not be active now or even be recognized as a volcano currently. Also, it seems rather funny that nobody is sure which mountian is Mt Sinai now. They lost a mountian? How do you lose a mountian? Note that the Sinai Peninsula was named that well after the fact due to one tradition that Mt Sinai was supposed to be somewhere on it. There are different accounts to is supposed location including some that say Mt Horeb and Mt Sinai are not the same mountian as some traditions dictate.

TheAlmightyGuru writes:

 

Well said Baughbe.

Maju writes:

 

"that particualr mountian need not be active now or even be recognized as a volcano currently".

Geologists know what is a volcano, even if it has been sleeping from many many millennia. There's no likelihood of error in that - not in this era.

Richard writes:

 

Well, that is completely leaving out the option that they made it all up, which is tops in my book.

someguy writes:

 

the whole volcano story could have been passed down from ancient ancestors from a far away place. or it could have been borrowed from other cultures, also from far away lands. soddam and gamorrah could be a story about pompei and the angry volcano God that changed as it moved from culture to culture, for all we know. but everything has been so completely muddled over time that now, with all our fancy technology it is impossible to tell. and since nothing is more terrifying that uncertainty lets all assume that some sort of greater power did it. maybe we could try to get better at science instead... but thats too hard, yay imaginary friends for everyone!..!!!

 

Oh the irony!