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Updated every weekday.         Please vote!    

 

2009-09-18

Yes, Genesis 2:24 of the KJV bible actually says, "cleave unto". This is probably the best euphemism for sex I've ever heard! I can just see the pick up lines now, "Hey baby! Wanna come back to my place so that I may cleave unto you?" "Oh you sexy man, cleave unto me! Cleave harder!" Yeah... that's hot!

I have a bit of a problem with Adam and Eve having sex in the garden. I know that God told them to be fruitful and multiply, but here's the thing... Adam and Eve are immortal. There is no reason for them to propagate the species because they'll never die. So I ask you, why does Eve have a vagina? For that matter, why does Adam have a dong? I find it rather consoling that, at the time of writing this, there were 7 hits on Google for the query, "why did Adam have a penis". At least I'm not alone in this idea. Maybe Adam and Eve were sans naughty bits until God banished them, and, in-turn, gave them whoo-whoos.

The really weird thing is that Genesis 2:23-24 reads as though the concept of sex exists because a woman came from a man's rib—if that's the case, we're doing it wrong. Procreation should be a woman strapping on a rib bone and thrusting it into a gaping wound on a man's abdomen. I'm evoking rule 34 people!

 

Comments

Ray writes:

 

Lol. I don't support the bible's teachings, but as for why they have their... "Reproductive organs" I say, they were immortal but didn't have eternal youth. So once they got too old, living would become REALLY painful.

kris writes:

 

now, now -- that's no reasoning! why shouldn't they procreate just because they were immortal? god may well have wanted a whole family of immortal humans living in eden: with a whole world all freshly created open before them, overpopulation would have been no immediate concern.
if you really wanted to, you might ask why god didn't created more humans himself, rather than letting them do it themselves. but i for one don't find it difficult to imagine that god would have liked the idea to watch how his latest creation would be fruitful and multiply. and that thought works even without god being into porn: don't all kids love to see how their dog has puppies/cat has kittens/goldfish has little fishlets and how they get a little bit bigger every day?

TheAlmightyGuru writes:

 

I'm sure God is quite the voyeur. I mean, Zeus played the field by assuming human form to get freaky with a thousand mortal babes, but God's the kind of deity who sets up his red wine and hand lotion before using his omnipresence to watch five million people all doing the nasty at the same time. Filthy man!

Winterset writes:

 

Forgive my foray into non-sequitur social commentary, but I find it interesting that while Eve is referred to as having a "vagina", Adam is referred to as having a "dong". I'm not talking about the bible here, obviously, but only about TAG's use of the vernacular. There are tons of non-profane euphemisms for penis, but all the common euphemisms for vagina are considered profanity. "Whoo-whoo" and "pee-pee" are non-specific so they don't count. And all this relates back to cultural bias against women: the idea that they are dirty. That which distinguishes them must therefore also be taboo, even in vernacular.

TheAlmightyGuru writes:

 

Dammit! Even I'm not immune!

kris writes:

 

while i do agree that the assumption of an allmighty god who can see everything we do holds a lot better if we construct him to be a voyeur, i find it will also make your point of showing the absurdities of the biblical lore a lot stronger if you don't get ...well, personal, i suppose.
that is not really the word i am looking for, but i mean to say that i enjoy the panels more whereever there is that certain critical distance.

rimecuka writes:

 

I cant wait for the uncensored version of this comic.

 

Oh the irony!